Life where defeat becomes victory

Once you decide, you will find happiness (Sasha Simovic)

I am immensely happy to have returned to my first love – writing. I am so happy I feel I can jump and reach the stars… I am sure many of you at least once in your life, have experienced that kind of happiness that warms the cockles of my heart.

Once upon a time in Kingdom (Kraljevo, Serbian city) a girl was born.  She brought enormous happiness to her parents. It was the year of 1982. And that’s how usually a fairytale begins by the birth of a child.

However, my birth brought my parents worry, suspense and fear. My whole family experienced a traumatic event.

Bad prognosis and the first surgery 18 days after I was born were not much of a guarantee for “happily ever after”, but my parents saw everything differently than doctors. By some superhuman strength they believed I will be able to live a normal life and that I will achieve everything I could imagine.

That’s how I was raised. I didn’t see myself different nor sick, but for a long time I was secretly holding in me anger and sorrow because of the scars I had got from surgeries and my different walk or because I was short and different in the eyes of my peers..

I was keeping quiet and sweeping everything under the carpet of my child soul, fighting bravely an proudly. I don’t  know  why but I didn’t share that with my parents, but from this point of view I realize I wanted to spare them from pain and worry.

I know I’m surrounded by people who keep their pain inside themselves and as a person who had been keeping quiet and fighting for a very long time, struggling to accept myself with all my virtues and flaws, I would like to say aloud :

Talk about what’s bothering you. Cry! Clean your soul of sorrow and suffering so you can grow happiness and self confidence on the green grass of your beautiful being .

Sometimes I wonder whether it would have been easier if I had shared this suffering with someone else before?  Would I have accepted my scars earlier? Maybe I wouldn’t have had fear of emotional connection and acceptance? There are so many questions sometimes, but the only answer I can hear is: THAT IS YOUR WAY.

I love my way just the way it is.

Bandy, with blind streets, no lights.

I love my way although walking on the steep, muddy ,cobble  of life wasn’t easy.  I made it to its end and managed to step on the shine marble that reflects my smile.

The love that I have received from my family and close people slowly started to wipe the scars and put a smile in the first place. As I was growing up, I started to hear more and more often: What a beautiful smile you have got, you are so smart, wow, you have achieved so much, you are such a fighter. These sentences slightly started to wipe the ones that had been engraved in my soul: Look at how she walks, Why are you so short , Look at her cast , Oh she has so many scars, She is faking that he can’t carry the bag.

Others saw me shinier than I saw myself at that moment. Listening to them, I started to pay attention to my qualities and what other saw as my flaws I  turned them into my biggest advantages.  I loved my flaws, I learned to see my scars in the mirror without bitterness in my heart. 13 of these scars along my entire back symbolize 13 of my victories and  gold medals. I used to hug the pillow and cry thinking I was just comforting myself it was nothing and that others do not see it in me . As time went on I came across people with serious health problems , spent it with the people that life had put in  a wheelchair but, on the other hand, they  lived their lives to the fullest with smiles on their faces. I learned from them a lot and they gave me the strength to feel immense gratitude because I can walk, take care of myself and that I can achieve everything I can imagine. They gave me the strength to be grateful for living every day as a healthy person.

Today, at the age of 33 and  with  big challenges I had overcome , I can say that I am the most grateful for the gift that I have , and which no one can steal , I am happy that their example and story can give strength to others that think there is no hope and who do not see a way out of the darkness of their own lives , to show them by my example : come to me , on the sunny side of life where the sun heals all wounds and grief . Step by step , without looking back , listen to the way towards the goal of your better life, only the loudest in the audience who tell you can do it , like me, a child with poor prognosis doctors used to say to my parents .

And as I like to say , it is not a disgrace to be different and unique, it is a SHAME TO BE somebody else’s COPY

What was the thing that helped me to put a smile on my face and overcome  sadness ? I listen  to the people who see the best in me and believe in me . I verify myself by focusing on my own qualities for example: wow how I prepared such a great lunch, I speak French perfectly, I sing better than man, My eyes are so beautiful … I am listing simple real life examples and I’m sure many of you will manage to find some kind of  “push up “ energy through these examples. I watch movies and TV shows that make me happy. I take care of myself. I always try to pamper myself. I play some of the video clips or read articles about Nick Vujicic and gratitude for his life appears consecutively through. When you start to complain about your own destiny , remember that there are those that life has tested in many more difficult ways than you. Every defeat can be a win , each fall turns into a climb, every tear into a smile , every fear into confidence BUT ONLY IF YOU CHOOSE SO.

Sasha Simovic

Saša Simović is a journalist and PR manager, a girl who was born with a diagnosis of ” spina bifida ” . Her childhood was marked by 13 surgeries, but by also a great struggle and aspiration of her parents and close people to give her carefree upbringing with a lot of love, optimism and strength to overcome difficult moments. Due to a lot of work on herself, Sasha is now very successful and happy, grateful for lesson learned in her life.


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