FEAR IN THE HEART ERASES SHINE IN THE EYES
“ Are you going to break down of fear of making mistake or are you going to step forward with courage and trust yourself and life? Decision is all yours…”
Do I look OK? Am I allowed to say that? What do you think, should I call him? When we stop and think over, it becomes clear that we daily seek approval to step forward, from the most banal to key life decisions, we all seek that but- FROM OTHERS.
Not only you, but I had been doing that too, just like many people you’re surrounded by. For years. Do other people know better what is good for us? Maybe sometimes- but in most cases it’s really just a lack of courage, a lack of self-confidence to take responsibility for our own life. It is easier for us to listen to a friend so if, God forbid, something goes wrong, we can say: “Well, you told me to, why did I listen to you?”
Trust in Life
The feeling of support is something that everyone feels good about: “You can do it, go ahead, that is nothing for you, it will be done in no time.. You’re a champ. “These are definitely things that push us forward. As long as there is someone here for us. There will be time when the decision we have to make will be all ours, with no one there to support us. What could happen? Are we going to break down of fear, fear of a mistake or are we going to step forward with courage and trust ourselves in life? The lack of confidence is caused by the fear of failure. At least I came to this conclusion. Whenever I was afraid of making decisions, I was afraid of failure. I realized that had been bothering me a lot, stopping my progress.
Take a look into eyes and life
I had a talk with myself. I know, sometimes these conversations are the hardest, sometimes beautiful, depends on how much we are willing to look at ourselves in the eye and soul.
The question that had helped my confidence win the fear: what is the worst that can happen to you? The worst? Not to achieve the goal. And what could happens then? NOTHING,a big nothing. I will continue to live with daily opportunities to make new plans and achieve goals. Is it possible that this is so simple, you must be wondering … Yes, it is easier than it looks like in this moment.
Sometimes we expect too much of ourselves. We add too much to our burden. We lose glow in our eyes because of the fear in our heart. We are more afraid of disappointing others than ourselves. Because I will forgive myself, but how could someone who believed in me do that because I failed … That crazy question bothers me, but the answer is simple. I DO NOT CARE. I live for myself, not for the others. I make dreams come true, but not because I need someone to tap me on the back. And if someone does that, I obviously won’t move their hand, but I can live without it.
The purest love
Would your parents be happy with our choice of work? How am I going to cope with moving to other place? My mother doesn’t like my wife? Ugh, so many problems. While we are trying to satisfy expectations of others, our confidence has gone on a road, sometimes of no return. Until we fulfill the expectations of others…. What else? I don’t need to fulfill anybody’s expectations. Only mine.
Many of you put the needs of others in the first place, while your own needs are folded into a locked suitcases that are rusted by so many years waiting to be unlocked. Those years make you forget what makes you happy, what are the rituals that soothes your soul. Many of you can’t even remember.
When I realized the great truth that all loves begin from the one to yourself, I started to live a wonderful life. At first it was a bit strange because after years of pampering others I had to get used to the new task of seriously taking care of myself every day without excuse.
And after a month or two, I started to have a constant smile on my face, I learned to enjoy it.
I wasn’t thinking about the self-confidence, it was still there, brighter than ever.
I know many people are taught that if they love themselves a lot it makes them selfish. That kind of love is the purest and when you use it, you will be a better child to your parents, a better parent to your children, a spouse and a friend. Because, when you are satisfied, that pleasure is transmitted to all other areas of life.
Be the best
I know cases where a lack of confidence succeeded from education and from parents who used to tell their children: oh, your soccer sucks, you’ve got two left feet! You can’t even draw a stickman and you want to take a painting classes? You are fat and you want to take ballet dance classes? Sometimes these words are spoken just like that but they leave profound effects to the heart and mind of our young beings. Those kids might never dare to try, because they were told that they can’t do it and perhaps they could be the best. Many times parents think they know what is the best for their children with best intentions. And I understand that although I’m someone who is not a parent yet, I understand to some extent. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if parents dared to take a risk and listened to their children? That’s how you build your own confidence and the confidence of your children. I admire my friend, who has enrolled her son to the ballet! Because the child wanted to! Happy mother, the happier child. Ballet won’t bother the child to be superior in basketball, it will only gain more confidence because it knows it can achieve EVERYTHING IT CAN IMAGINE!
How to love yourself?
You all know, I’m sure, that you’ve been doing many times something you weren’t crazy about. I believe you still remember that terrible feeling of burden and discomfort. Don’t make that trouble to your children. Don’t repeat your parents’ mistakes, learn from them. Let your children make their own decisions for themselves and thet will not have a problem with their self-awareness when it’s most needed. During my growing up it meant a lot to me that my parents didn’t restrict me, I was never told I can’t do something. It gave me the energy and the will to live freely. I admit, it was harder to keep faith in me in love than in business, but now I can manage both. Nowadays, when silicones and fake eyelashes are the major thing, it is difficult for someone who has a scar on her back, a large nose or ears, to accept and to love herself or himself. I had been struggling with that. Struggling sounds hard and it was difficult, perhaps more than you can imagine.
Big and small needs
When teenage girls are getting ready for the night out and you can’t decide which one of them is hotter, they can dress up as they want and I wear what I have to, sneakers and a T-shirt with a closed back. I had been suffering, I can’t say that I hadn’t been, and then I decided to turn my flaws into my advantages. My smile was my naked back, a twinkle in my eyes were heels on my feet. And others were noticing this, not what I was missing. I conquered myself and started to love my imperfections. Other noticed that also. As we grow up, we dream about true love, we have the first sympathy, boys, and if we are under social “protocols”, we fear that we will end up alone, or that we are not good enough. I was afraid I would not find love, that I’m not good enough because I’m not 180cm tall, because I do not wear high heels … Now I know I’m perfect because I am unique.
Everyone finds its ideal significant other at the right time and love the one who suits him.
Maybe you are imperfect to society, but to someone who loves you, you will always be perfect and it’s so awesome and liberating.